I don’t know if it’s me, or if it’s others, but I don’t want to associate myself with people who are so damn incompetent of doing better because when you KNOW better, you DO better. It makes logic sense, right? 

I find it pathetic how people think partying and getting wasted is going to get them anywhere in life, where are your aspirations and ambitions? 

I realize that people aren’t always who they seem to be, because everyone’s perceptions are different. I’m glad I’ve moved on from surrounding myself with people who aren’t good for me, people who can’t motivate and push me to do better than I am now. 

People change, and I am one of them. 

People are just “eh” to me, I can careless. 

I care for myself. 

Don’t tell me I have the capability of putting a smile on your face whenever we talk, don’t say I make your day, don’t tell me you miss talking to me because if any of these claims had an ounce of honesty and truth lying behind them, then you would take the initiative to invest the same amount of efforts and time that I do. 

Evidently, what you’re saying is coming out of your ass and you don’t genuinely mean it. 

Why stay when I’m just standing on the sideline? I’m not going to be your rebound. 

You say one thing, but then the next move you make, contradicted everything that you said. Should I give you benefit of the doubt and believe you, or should I take into consideration that everything you told me is fabricated lies in order for me to stay and be your fucking rebound? If you’re not willing to settle with what I have to offer, which is everything, then I need to get moving with my life because I’m not willing to remain here to degrade myself and lose absolutely every ounce of respect and dignity that I have. 

You either get real, or I’ll leave.

I don’t play games.

I don’t ask for much, either.

The reoccurring feelings that are beginning to creep up again. The start is always glorious and I’m left feeling overjoyed and filled with happiness and for the first time in a very long time, I think someone is genuine and sincere. My perception may be wrong, but the assurance that you gave me and the credibility that you created for yourself throughout our conversations, make you look as though you’re someone who is real. Someone that I haven’t came across in a long time, but am I wrong? It may be too soon to say, but like I have reiterated once too many, I have trust issues. 

Maybe it’s me who has inner conflicts, doubts, insecurities that all pertain to myself rather than my potential significant other. When it comes down to relationship, I’ve never had the best of luck with it. I have a tendency to chase the wrong ones and ultimately in the end, I am left with greater disappointments than I should have gotten if I wasn’t expecting so much out of someone that I just met. It’s who I am, it’s a part of me. I crush too fast, fall to easily and it causes me to be in a state of vulnerability and there’s nothing worse than knowing that your feelings can be hurt at any given moment and when you’re left with disappointments, and what’s greater pain than that, is your heart broken; that’s not a good place to be and I would never want to be in that position again. I give people good advice’s when it’s in regards of their relationship but when it comes down to my own, I can never take the advice’s I give to others for myself. 

I remember liking a person and then, they stopped talking to me out of the blues. I remember that feeling of disappointment, regrets, loneliness and loathe of myself for feeling a certain way for someone who doesn’t feel the same way for me because after all, it was all just fun and games to them. After numerous attempts of trying to be in a relationship with certain people, it just never works out. Funny, isn’t it? Maybe, I am getting the taste of my own medicine after all. When I begin to feel like everything is going the way I want it to be, life just has a funny way of changing paths and leading me to a dead-end. Or maybe, I’m the epitome of a hopeless romantic that isn’t going meet someone who’s right for me. Who really fucking knows, but all I know is that I don’t like how I’m feeling right now.

Here we go again, I blame myself for the wrongs that has happened because it’s all my fault. The doubts and insecurities within myself when it comes to relationships is unhealthy for me, but how else am I suppose to deal with it when no one can even help me while I’m always helping others out with their own relationships? I’m a complicated person with a different state of mind, I think differently as opposed to everyone else. It would be great if one day, just one day, I can meet someone who’s like me. Who is able to relate to me on every level, who understands the complexity within me, as I can understand and relate to them as well. We can meet just that one day, talk non-stop for hours, and then move on with our lives but what happened that day will forever be embedded into our long-term memory. But really, when does shit like that happens anyways? Who knows, maybe God will bring whoever that person is to me one day and it’ll be all worthwhile. 

I trip too much off of relationships, but I guess after investing so much time and efforts into someone that is unrealistic and a figment of my imagination I once again get disappointed. That’s why I always say relationships are complicated because in all honesty, they are. I just want someone to try, to invest into me, to give me their all, because in reciprocation, I will walk that extra one thousand miles just for them. 

I always go off tangents, but here’s a rambling of my thoughts and how I currently feel.